Internal Conflict

Fighting is a good way to make a bit of coin while getting punched in the face.

I should be occupied with planning the upcoming task Brother Hami tasked me with, but I cannot stop thinking about fights scheduled for tonight. Or, more accurately, my interaction in them. I’ve brought this dilemma to elder’s before, and their response is always “what do you think?” What do I think? I’m conflicted. I’ve been going to the fights to support my friend, but I think they are abhorrent. They seem to be violence for violence sake, and yet, all the men are “volunteers”.

When I ask Vegard why he competes in tournaments, his answer is simply, “I’m not a beggar”. His desire to depend only on himself is both his strength, and biggest weakness. Even when he stays at the church, he often does more than is asked; almost to say “I am not my father’s son”.

He confided to us (Hans and me) that he is from one the most affluent families in town; yet, he calls the streets his home. Interesting how people from such differing backgrounds, all find themselves at Helga’s footsteps. I suppose that’s how we met a few years ago. He had always kept to himself, at the soup kitchen. Then, one day, some street thugs started harassing Hans and me. Typically, having Hans around is enough to discourage those miscreants, but the half dozen of them must have found courage in numbers. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to talk our way out of it. That’s when he, without word, stepped in, and knocked the leader out with single punch; then walked away.

I knew I was going to have to tend to the unconscious bully’s injuries (his nose was off to one side and spewing blood), but I couldn’t help smirk at his condition. Maybe that’s why Hans, Vegard and I became friends. All three of us, outcasts, in some way. We look out for each other.

Is it wrong to help a friend in need, like I did last night? When I prayed for Helga to heal Vegard’s wounds, a loving warmth filled me as it always does. Does this intrinsically mean Helga approves? Is it wrong, if I do not help his opponents? I don’t even like the fights! Should I just stop going? No, I can’t. When I asked them to help me this weekend, Vegard said yes without hesitation. I would be a horrible friend if I didn’t support him. But should I stop healing him during the fights?

I hope that Hans’ father will let him come with Vegard and me. Sometimes, I think he pretends to be a hardass because he’s trying to shield his son from the inevitable stares and gawking. I’m glad that his mother was victorious in the decision to send him to school, otherwise we probably wouldn’t be friends. We really need him to help us track down that missing ranger; Vegard and I are both ignorant in that department.

I will pray to Helga for guidance; perhaps she can will help show me the way. I’ve had visions in the past, but they often bring as many new questions as they answer.